Connected, not attached
What have, how we connect and how reflection of the bygone year is more important than a new year resolution
Few weeks back, one of my close friends was going through some personal dilemma. He wanted me to be there with him, at least over the phone, so that he can share the full perspective with me. I spent some time over the call listening to his journey, but we both realized it was not enough. He needed more time from me and wanted to connect over and over with me for next few days. We are in two different continent and I couldn’t accomodate his long calls in my busy schedules. I didn’t have time. Time! The most precious of all. Friends, most precious of all, too.
I paused a while and thought about it. I told him what he needed to listen. When I call you, please know that I am present and I am with you, it’s just that I am occupied with so many things that I don’t have enough time to spare and physically be with you. He knew it. He understood too. But it was a fail.
We are limited by our duties and schedules. One more realization struck me. I am limited not only with my time, but also my ability to hold too many emotions simultaneously. I take time to build empathy and need long time to get over with it. It’s like some actors are better at switching off than others.
I am also worried that holding too many emotions and thinking about them over and over will clog my natural thinking process and will not allow me to perform at the peak of my ability. I need more time to talk to myself. I need that, really! I want that to keep my sanity and have a balance.
I am moving at the speed of humanity like everyone. Office, family, son’s school drop-off, pick-up after activities, elderly parents, tumbling stocks, office deadlines, everything that a family man supposed to have. Then there are times when we are needed by our close ones as life happens.
Self-reflection or procrastination over what’s important?
With life happening around me, I need my time for and with myself. My anchor is my self- reflection, my “me” time sans the my favorite show or music. It’s powered by what I have learnt over the years, it’s moved by what I have felt over the years and it’s built on my ethics, my respect for others, my belief to be a better human every day. Life is too short to be complacent. It’s an everyday improvement process where we can be a little better than the previous day, previous fight, previous cry and previous envy.
End of the year is an indication that nothing lasts forever. It should not. Any earthly things comes to us in three steps — anticipation that turns into enjoyment (sometimes turns into overwhelm) and ultimately becomes memory. Being present has a lot more deeper meaning than being physically and mentally present. Being spiritually present is important. Thinking about our last mountain visit, thanking the superpower for being there, enjoying the sunset while being with our family are important to sustain this long and rigorous journey. You did good if you have done so.
How about thanking the universe for creating us, for creating the sun and the mountains? How about our last long drive trip? Did our feel at one with our inner self while leaning on the open window looking at the country road? You did good if you have done so.
But did you thank the universe just for the road being there, giving you an opportunity to be present on earth, to be healthy and happy with your family?
Some of the Buddhist monks think of death, the first thing in the morning (a ritual called Maraṇasati). They ponder over death while awake, immediately after waking up on a beautiful morning. When they get up from the bed, it’s the gratitude they feel that keeps them going throughout the day. How beautiful, isn’t it? Feel gratitude for everything. Be positive for everything. Competition is fine, it pushes you not to be complacent. Just that, taking ownership of our progress while measuring what others doing gives us a yardstick to measure where we are in life. Where we want to be in life and what we want to achieve next. Achieve, just don’t push others out of the way. Stopping is attachment. Moving on, having friends, sharing your stories are called being connected. Just don’t be attached. Don’t be stale. Feel the love that the universe is bestowing upon you, take care of your health, your loved ones, your parents, your kids. You don’t need to give them their best life, they will choose their own destiny. You be there, genuinely to support them and everything will fall in place.
We often find ourselves caught between the demands of the external world and the call of our inner selves. This struggle is not new; it has been contemplated for millennia in the profound philosophies of Hinduism and Buddhism.
In Hinduism, the concept of “vartamana” encapsulates both living and the present moment. This beautiful convergence of language reminds us that true living occurs only in the now. The Bhagavad Gita, a cornerstone of Hindu philosophy, speaks about the eternal nature of the soul (atma) and its embodiment in the present.
When we are fully present, we align ourselves with this divine essence within us. Buddhism, too, emphasizes the importance of the present moment. As the Buddha taught in the sutra “Knowing the Better Way to Live Alone”:
“Don’t get caught in the past, because the past is gone. Don’t get upset about the future, because the future is not yet here. There is only one moment for you to be alive, and that is the present moment.”
Thank you for your time. If you read till here, we have created a bonding. You have my energy, I have yours. Move on my friend! This universe is with you.
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